Considering Something

Howdy!

Sorry in advance for any bad language that might show up here...

First of all, whoever reads this, let me apologize for not speaking to you in such a long time. My hands were so full with other things that I just couldn't find any spare time to speak and share a few words with you. I was primarily busy with last year's holidays. In between buying and wrapping gifts for everyone, visiting relatives, celebrating Xmas and New Year's Eve and whatnot, I was exhausted and couldn't find the strength to do anything else, much less visiting this site

I'm sure some of you might've been wondering what else I was doing in between all of that. Well, that was the reason for my sort-of absence, and what I wanted to tell you all about. You see, I've spent my time thinking about something. Something that I actually thought about since last August, after my fourth anniversary of being here.

I've been thinking of deactivating my account sometime later this year, maybe in late August or early September.

Before you start asking about it, I will explain why...
When I first entered Deviantart almost 4 1/2 years ago, I was so excited of being part of this huge community. I was able to make friends with other fellow deviants, added their amazing work on my favorites, and I was overall happy with my stay here. Soon enough, however, I felt as though there was something missing. Before long, I realized what it was, and it was that I haven't posted deviations of any kind. And so I tried to do a few drawings of my own and post them, but the end result of each one of them was complete and utter shit. Eventually, I gave up altogether on drawing these things and did my best to pretend that I didn't drew them. That was when another problem was slowly growing in my mind. Little by little, what was once new and exciting for me became commonplace, and therefore, boring. I started to fear that the novelty was wearing off, and I didn't want to believe that for a time. But it only became all the more apparent overtime.

A few years later, I asked in a journal things I shouldn't have asked and might've even disgusted her, and she banned me from ever talking to her again. I was so furious about it that I removed her from my Devwatch shortly afterwards. When I first entered dA, I swore to myself that I would always be careful when talking to others, but this particular moment was devastating for me, not just because I broke that promise but because KicsterAsh was actually one of the first friends I ever had. I fell into depression for that and I eventually recovered, but I never forgot that moment. Deep down, I understood that I should be even more careful with what I say or ask to other deviants, and who I spoke to.

And finally, this past August, as I looked back at everything that has happened in the four years that I've been on this website, I came to understand that dA was becoming a burden in my life. I actually thought about deactivaying my account as soon as the month ended, but not before telling everyone about it, but after some rethinking I decided to stay on this site for a while longer, even if begrudgingly.

And there you have it...
I don't want your pity right now nor am I looking for your compassion or understanding. I just wanted to tell you all the reason for my semi-inactivity, and why this has all been so hard for me. Don't get me wrong! Many of you have been so nice to me so far, I love each and every deviation you have posted here, and I would love to stay with you for as long as I can, but as I said, dA is starting to become a burden to me. I went over it so many times in my head that I should just delete it and move on to more important things in my life (but not before telling you all about it). But at the same time I'm conflicted about it, because if I do that I'll lose everything I ever loved here, including all my friends and watchers. Maybe this late August I'll change my mind yet again and stay on dA but I don't know about that. Sorry if I seemed rather harsh just now but I had to speak my mind on the matter

I don't know what else to say at the moment so...